Pills, thrills and bellyaches
As someone who has been known to stay up late and listen to loud music in rooms full of jittery dancers you'd think I'd be rather put out with the impending ban on party pills.
Well it's not going to affect me as much as you'd think.
I'll admit I've popped a few of the pills some refer to as smart drugs (they're not) in the past but gave them up early on as they didn't seem to do anything to me that I found much fun.
Sure they keep you awake, but they can't guarantee your waking hours will be fun.
There's a universal law that says there's a tipping point in every social situation.
There's the build up as things get rolling - the euphoric fun part - then there's the plateau where things are still cool and you get your groove on.
Once you get past that the slide begins.
Things get a bit frantic and ugly as mascara runs and desperation in the air.
The secret to a good night out is going home and filling up the hottie before the witching hour.
That's when the pills become counter-productive.
Who wants to be the life of a dead and decaying party
Then there's the fluid retention thing.
Party pills give me the constant sensation of busting for a leak.
They also render me incapable of passing water.
Trust me that's a combination no one wants.
That said I'm not about to ring up associate health minister Jim Anderton and offer my services to help him eradicate the scourge.
Just because they're not for me, it doesn't mean I begrudge the club kids, long haul truckers and sleepy office workers their pick-me-ups.
Sure there are those who wolf them down like Smarties and end up in hospital, but if you ban party pills they'll just use something else.
The best solution would be to tighten up who can buy them and where they can get their mitts on them.
Maybe let people know exactly what's in the pills and what damage they do to important parts of the anatomy
It's a crazy strategy but it might have an impact.
After all it sort of works with that other dangerous party drug - alcohol.
Well it's not going to affect me as much as you'd think.
I'll admit I've popped a few of the pills some refer to as smart drugs (they're not) in the past but gave them up early on as they didn't seem to do anything to me that I found much fun.
Sure they keep you awake, but they can't guarantee your waking hours will be fun.
There's a universal law that says there's a tipping point in every social situation.
There's the build up as things get rolling - the euphoric fun part - then there's the plateau where things are still cool and you get your groove on.
Once you get past that the slide begins.
Things get a bit frantic and ugly as mascara runs and desperation in the air.
The secret to a good night out is going home and filling up the hottie before the witching hour.
That's when the pills become counter-productive.
Who wants to be the life of a dead and decaying party
Then there's the fluid retention thing.
Party pills give me the constant sensation of busting for a leak.
They also render me incapable of passing water.
Trust me that's a combination no one wants.
That said I'm not about to ring up associate health minister Jim Anderton and offer my services to help him eradicate the scourge.
Just because they're not for me, it doesn't mean I begrudge the club kids, long haul truckers and sleepy office workers their pick-me-ups.
Sure there are those who wolf them down like Smarties and end up in hospital, but if you ban party pills they'll just use something else.
The best solution would be to tighten up who can buy them and where they can get their mitts on them.
Maybe let people know exactly what's in the pills and what damage they do to important parts of the anatomy
It's a crazy strategy but it might have an impact.
After all it sort of works with that other dangerous party drug - alcohol.